1,676 words

1. Theory of meownd
2. Chain your string
3. Move like prey
4. What kind of prey?
   1. Land
   2. Air
   3. Water
5. When do cats get zoomies?
6. Treats
7. Cats have needs
8. So do you

Theory of meownd

Cats have some degree of object permanence: if you cover an object, they can conceive of uncovering the object to reveal it again. How long the object continues to exist in their mind if they can’t access sensory cues isn’t clear and may vary between cats.

Object permanence, however, is less useful a concept for structuring play than interpolation.

Cats can interpolate. Interpolating means that, for example, if a string is wiggling and a portion of the string is hidden by a barrier, they can reasonably expect to follow the line of the string and find the end behind the barrier. Same for following the trajectory of a thrown object when it falls beyond their sight.

Cats get bored if they can see their prey the whole time. It’s important to understand lines of sight from their perspective in order to optimize playtime.

You have to put yourself in the mind of the toy you’re using, imagine it as live prey, and ask if the prey would be able to see the cat from where it is.

Light works bidirectionally. If the prey can see the cat, the cat can see the prey.

Use barriers such as boxes or pillows to break up lines of sight and pique the cat’s curiosity. They’re also more interested if the human stays out of the line of sight. Then, they can focus on the prey.

Cats can also use other senses, such as smell. You might not notice that something is there because it’s hidden from your sight, but your cat might still be able to smell, say, treats that you’ve hidden in a drawer.

Activities such as covering treats with a lightweight cup and letting a cat sniff them out will be mentally stimulating for a cat, even if they aren’t physically demanding.

Chain your string

String is more interesting to cats when it’s chained. Their claws have nothing to hold on to when a string isn’t chained. Chaining a string will give their claws something to hook into, and it satisfies their desire to tug on string by having slack that can be taken up.

I imagine that, in the wild, after they catch prey, cats have the satisfaction of ripping their catch open and tearing out things like guts and sinew. Yanking on string and things such as hair elastics probably simulates this chewy, resistant mouthfeel. (Very Q.)

Chained at the proper size, it’s also more difficult for a cat to get tangled in the string, as the loops would be too small to present a constriction hazard. But be careful not to make the loops too large, or else there is an entanglement hazard, especially because the slipknots in a chain can close very tightly.

The chained string also tangles less easily than unchained string, which makes it easier to store and wash. I’m still figuring out why chaining reduces entanglement. Maybe because the twists distribute force differently? Chained string also bounces more satisfyingly, possibly also due to the added twists.

Move like prey

Alternate motion with stillness. In the wild, a cat’s prey animals aren’t constantly on the move. There are times when they stop to rest—which provides the cat with an opportunity to pounce.

Once the cat captures the prey, simulate struggling motions. Don’t yank too hard; you might injure the cat.

Imagine a bird or mouse that’s struggling to get away. It will make small, jerky motions before going still to recover. Give the line some slack so the cat can enjoy the capture.

What kind of prey?

Individual cats seem to prefer different kinds of prey. There are three main kinds of prey: land, air, and water.

Land

Mice and rats, usually. Maybe also insects that don’t fly.

Behaviors that might suggest a cat likes land prey:

• Stealing socks—they’re small, fuzzy, and mouse-sized when wadded up into a ball.
• Prefers toys running along the ground. Less interested in jumping vertically for a toy.

Air

Birds, usually. Maybe also insects that fly.

Behaviors that might suggest a cat likes air prey:

• Attraction to shiny things—many birds have iridescent feathers.
• Enjoys plastic and crinkly things—possibly sounds like flapping wings and probably chews like feathers.
• Perks up at beeping sounds—probably sounds like birdcall. Try playing actual birdcall to see if the cat enthusiastically responds.
• Grabs ponytails, fringe, tassels, etc.—probably similar to feathers.
• More interested in a toy when it’s bouncing or spinning in the air. Parkours to reach it.

Water

Fish and other things that live in the water.

Behaviors that might suggest a cat likes water prey:

• Playing with water.
• Attraction to shiny blue, white, silver, or gold things—may look like the surface of water under different lighting conditions.

Obviously, my cat likes birds. I don’t have enough personal observation of the other types.

When do cats get zoomies?

One to two hours after they eat.

Play with them after mealtimes to tire them out so they’re less likely to harass you in the middle of the night.

They might also get more zoomies around moonrise, but I’m collecting more data on this. Mealtime is more likely to influence zoomies than celestial objects.

If your cat is causing chaos, such as stepping all over your computer keyboard as you work or knocking things over, that means it’s playtime.

Consider chaos to be a sign of excess energy rather than nuisance behavior.

Treats

You can include treats as part of play. But cats aren’t really like dogs: reinforcement of good behavior via treats doesn’t seem to be as straightforward for them.

Cats seem to associate treats with situations or your actions more than they understand them as a result of their actions.

So it’s probably better to make the treat part of the play itself. For example, hiding treats under cups so the treat is its own reward when they find it.

Play sessions don’t have to include treats. For example, you can make them chase after a toy on a string attached to a wand.

You can give cats treats after such a play session, but the treats might end up topping up their energy and making them have zoomies again.

So it’s probably better for the treat to signal the start of an activity, whether that’s play or something like grooming, so they can associate grooming with something positive.

Or maybe your cat didn’t come in from off the street and has no issue having their nails clipped. Lucky you.

Cats have needs

Cats aren’t like dogs.

Dogs are pack animals. Dogs are also domesticated. They are people-pleasers who will do what makes their human happy.

Cats are more solitary. I also don’t think it’s true that “cats domesticated themselves,” as people often like to repeat. Cats domesticate humans. You are the one tending to their needs and making them happy. In exchange, they give you companionship, if they feel like it.

That doesn’t mean cats can take care of themselves entirely. They’re more hands-off than dogs, but if they’re choosing to hang around you, that means they want or need something from you.

The tendency of cats to choose their humans and wander into people’s lives is jokingly referred to as the cat distribution system.

But it’s not a joke. Cats can sense energy. They can tell which humans will be friendly to them and which ones won’t be. They’re not shy about shunning people they don’t vibe with, because they’d rather spend time with the humans they do vibe with.

Most cat problems arise from the human being unwilling to explore feline theory of mind to suss out what a cat wants and needs.

Remember that cats are still wild animals. To understand their behavior, imagine what it’s like for them in the wild, even if that wilderness is the manicured yards of suburbia.

They are hunters. You can hunt with dogs, but you can’t hunt with cats: you have to make the proper conditions for a hunt and let them hunt.

So do you

In this way, cats and dogs are like humans: some humans are people-pleasers who want to be told what to do. They derive satisfaction from fulfilling external expectations: praise is its own reward.

Other humans really don’t give a shit what other people think and just want to have the proper conditions that allow them to do what they want to do. They derive satisfaction from fulfilling internal expectations. They only take direction well if it aligns with their own interests. Praise is only a reward if it properly recognizes the internal processes that led to the result. Otherwise, praise is just someone’s opinion and doesn’t mean much.

So, it’s not that cats are autistic.

It’s that you’re a cat.

If you’re a cat, treat yourself like a cat. This will be incompatible with capitalism—cf. “herding cats” meaning something impossible to do because cats refuse to assimilate enough to get it done.

That’s fine.

You don’t need to people-please. All you need to do is the bare minimum of cooperation to accomplish the goal of having your needs met.

Spend the rest of your energy on yourself. Interpolate your trajectories. Change them. Go where you want to land.

That’s not selfish.

That’s how you thrive.

When you’re thriving, you’ll be better to yourself and others, because you won’t be filled with the misery that causes misery and seeks itself out as company. You’ll want good for yourself, which means you must invest in good for others, because that’s what allows them to do good for you: symbiosis.

That’s the opposite of selfish.

Let the cat distribution system match you with the people who bring you joy.

Be a cat.

Go do you.